Have you ever blown up a balloon and let it go? Did you watch it deflate itself chaotically and fall limp and lifeless to the floor?

That is the best way to describe the last year... not the limp and lifeless part,... but the frantic movement with no direction. To answer Dr. K, I do feel differently in May/June than I did in April. It got warm, the sun started shining and spring happened. Spring/summer/fall are lovely here... but my love affair with snow quickly gave up in favor of brighter seasons. Winter was rough, and I've had a full year of being less than six months into my (new and newer) job, and a full year of being away from friends and family.

Career-wise, my new job is probably (literally) the best thing that could have happened to me. I report to great supervisors in a role I love,... but it's a role I'm completely green at and I mess up all the time. I know being inadequate is part of life,... but I've had little stable ground lately and I'm ready for something solid.

I am moving this summer. I'm leaving behind a good roommate for another, untested one. However, the apartment is great - small but clean. I will have lower rent, a cute backyard, lots of trees, and be away from the freeway (I practically live on the freeway now... not fun).

If you had told me in March 2008 that this is how the next 14 months would play out, I would probably not have come here. However, I'm glad I did it. I don't know why, but I'll tell you when I figure it out.

In all of this, I've asked myself one question: what do I want?

I don't know. I thought I did once,... but I am not sure anymore.

I love Christmas and New Year's.

I love the celebration and remembrance of where we were: family, 2008... and the birth of a Child. It is simple and complex all at once, a representation of why we are how we are. I love the potential these holidays have to clear the air ... acknowledging what has gone wrong and what has gone right. But most of all, I love the hope that follows. I love the hope that our families will carry on despite (or because of) the drama. I love the resolution and determination of a brand new year. I love the hope of Easter and redemption. I also love the lights and the cheer and all the more tangible things we always talk about when we generally talk about Christmas.

This is nice in the moment. I don't always remember. My mind and heart are bumped around by living in this world, and by people who don't have the same priorities. I have to remember when hard things happen and things don't turn out as I planned that there is Hope.

Business should be allowed the freedom to fail. The US is the closest economy I know of to a free market economy. Many people will tell you this kind of economy leaves some as "winners" and some as "losers" in the game of money. I'll talk about that in a minute. I think it's more important to consider that a free market economy is like a democratic government: consumers have the freedom to "vote" on products with their money which they feel best suit their needs. This way, businesses will have a good understanding of what they are doing right and wrong. Healthy businesses meeting the needs of consumers will be able to continue, while unsustainable businesses not meeting the needs of their customers will fail. Think of it as natural selection.

Over time, a free market society should create more wealth for -everyone- by creating an incentive to be better: better than your competitor, your fellow employee, and yourself. It encourages taking risks by starting your own business or trying out new ideas (and offering big pay-outs for those who are successful). Unfortunately, human beings are fallen and selfish creatures. Completely unregulated by government, human-created businesses may make decisions which do not benefit consumers. In some cases, these decisions are downright harmful (e.g. China's dairy industry), in others, these decisions violate fiduciary duty (e.g. the recent credit crisis), or do not demonstrate trustworthy behavior (e.g. Enron...).

Government should absolutely protect consumers (and employees) from business decisions which cause harm. This is government's right and true purpose: the protection of its citizens.

However, government does not exist to protect businesses from their own bad decisions. If a business is making bad decisions, they should change their behavior. In my opinion, the US auto industry falls into this category. If the auto OEMs cannot produce vehicles which meet the needs of consumers, they should change what they offer consumers or fail.

Instead of bailing out the auto industry, the government should consider assisting the employees of at-risk business in educating themselves for other industries, and bringing new businesses into regions affected by a potential auto OEM failure (Detroit!).

But,... what do I know?