Have you ever blown up a balloon and let it go? Did you watch it deflate itself chaotically and fall limp and lifeless to the floor?
That is the best way to describe the last year... not the limp and lifeless part,... but the frantic movement with no direction. To answer Dr. K, I do feel differently in May/June than I did in April. It got warm, the sun started shining and spring happened. Spring/summer/fall are lovely here... but my love affair with snow quickly gave up in favor of brighter seasons. Winter was rough, and I've had a full year of being less than six months into my (new and newer) job, and a full year of being away from friends and family.
Career-wise, my new job is probably (literally) the best thing that could have happened to me. I report to great supervisors in a role I love,... but it's a role I'm completely green at and I mess up all the time. I know being inadequate is part of life,... but I've had little stable ground lately and I'm ready for something solid.
I am moving this summer. I'm leaving behind a good roommate for another, untested one. However, the apartment is great - small but clean. I will have lower rent, a cute backyard, lots of trees, and be away from the freeway (I practically live on the freeway now... not fun).
If you had told me in March 2008 that this is how the next 14 months would play out, I would probably not have come here. However, I'm glad I did it. I don't know why, but I'll tell you when I figure it out.
In all of this, I've asked myself one question: what do I want?
I don't know. I thought I did once,... but I am not sure anymore.
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